Hit the pause button

Have you ever hit a point in life where you just want to hit the pause button? I feel like these past months my life has gotten me to that point. I have never talked about this but I have social anxiety. It has controlled a huge part of my life because I have let fear overcome my life. I remember when I was little I was so fearless and I could care less what people would think and I had so much motivation to teach myself things for example; I taught myself how to skate and I was very good at it. I remember I wanted to grow up and become a comedian because I enjoyed making people laugh. Slowly I started losing confidence in myself perhaps because I felt so uncomfortable with the way I looked and the way I was. I have always been an emotional person and as I grew older I made myself think that it was a bad thing, so I started hiding my feelings and I would hold them in until I would blow up.

After the hospital incident I became more socially anxious, I didn't want to go out anymore because I would feel like everyone was focused on how skinny I was and how frail I looked. I still have that feeling but I'm trying to overcome that. Now its more of the anxiety that overcomes my life. The constant thoughts of what's going to happen if I fail or what will people think if I do this or that. I have let my anxiety take over and it's not only hurt me but other's around me. I let my emotions control me. I wish I could hit a pause button...and go back to those days when I was little and I was so confident in myself. I would love to ask myself "How are you so confident?"

I think I lost my way because I didn't have the same communication with Heavenly Father. I haven't taken time and actually listened to his voice. I know prayer was the main reason I have gotten up from the hardest trials in my life and I guess I forgot that. How can Heavenly father rescue me if I don't let him in? How can he respond to my prayers when I haven't prayed. I finally realized that, and I feel so ashamed that I forgot he is always here for us. He is that peace in our heart when our heart is swollen with affliction.

One Sunday while in church I was so discouraged with myself and i felt so much anger towards myself and I remember I asked myself "Why do I feel this way? Why am I so tired, tired of my thoughts?" and then we started singing hymn #140 Did you think to pray? The third verse is the one that got to me. The last verse and first sentence says this: When sore trials came upon you, Did you think to pray?

At that moment I knew he was answering me and I felt a peace in my heart. Prayer is the key to everything because he will always answer you. No matter how long its been since you talked to Heavenly Father.

I know my anxiety will always be a part of me but I also know that Heavenly father helps me through my trials. He is that peace. But we can only be helped when we ask for help. I also know that negativity eats our heart away and when we are consumed by that negativity we cannot let Christ's light in our hearts because our pride consumes us. So whatever trial you're going through reach out to Heavenly Father and a friend or a family member because they are always there for us.